It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that counts
(Mark Twain)
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
(Douglas Adams)
Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.
(Aldous Huxley)
You learn to make good decisions from experience;
Experience comes from learning from bad decisions
(Anonymus)
There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
(Anonymous)
Luck: when preparation meets opportunity
(Anonymus)
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
(Mahatma Gandhi)
Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats.
(Howard Aiken)
It's funny to me that I have to prove to the banks that I am honest.
(Scott Adams)
When in doubt tell the truth.
(Mark Twain)
Genius is one per cent inspiration, ninetynine per cent perspiration.
(Thomas Alva Edison)
A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
(Segal's Law)
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day
(Anonymous)
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
(Casey Stengel)
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
(Mark Twain)
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is just that little extra.
(Anonymous )
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
(Oscar Wilde)
One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do.
(Henry Ford)
You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
(Cecil Baxter)
Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.
(Robert W. Sarnoff)
There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income.
(Edmund Wilson)
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
(Peter Drucker)
And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years.
(Abraham Lincoln)
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
(George Burns)
If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
(Isaac Newton)
When you're through changing, you're through.
(Bruce Barton)
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
(Oscar Wilde)
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
(Parick Murray)
Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
(James Thurber)
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
(Rita Mae Brown)
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
(W. C. Fields)
The reason there is so little crime in
(Alex Levin)
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
(Rodney Dangerfield)
I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking.
(Katherine Cebrian)
Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.
(Gerald R. Ford)
When I'm good I'm very good, but when I'm bad I'm better.
(Mae West)
Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you're finished.
(Leslie Nielsen)
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
(Rodney Dangerfield)
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
(Tommy Cooper)
A successful man is one who can earn more money than his wife can possibly spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man.
(Anonymous)
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
(Groucho Marx )
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
(Evan Esar)
If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.
(Henry Ford)
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
(Bob Hope)
Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it.
(William Durant)
You see things; and you say: "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say: "Why not?"
(George Bernard Shaw)
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
(Wendell Johnson)
Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad.
(George Bernard Shaw)
Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.
(Walter Lippmann)
To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter.
(Aleister Crowley)
If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.
(Bertrand Russell)
A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
(Sidney J. Harris)
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
(Elbert Hubbard)
The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive.
(Thomas Jefferson)
Un hombre sólo tiene derecho a mirar a otro hacia abajo, cuando ha de ayudarle a levantarse
(Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
(The only time a man can look down on another is when he is about to help him get up)
Price is what you pay, value is what you get
(Warren Buffett)
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
(Albert Einstein)
Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.
(John Maynard Keynes)
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
(Robert Frost)
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
(Winston Churchill)
Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd.
(Edith Sitwell)
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
(Abraham Lincoln)
There was never a genius without a tincture of madness.
Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC)
The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.
(Vince Lombardi)
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
(Douglas Adams)
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
(William
I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe.
(Richard Gere)
A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
(Rodney Dangerfield)
It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people.
(
Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
(Oscar Wilde)
Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
(William Safire)
The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
(John Kenneth Galbraith)
(Thomas A. Edison)
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
(Dick Cavett)
A good idea, only be sure to make a copy of everything before getting rid of it.
(Samuel Goldwyn)
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
(George Jean Nathan)
If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
(Abraham Maslow)
There is nothing more powerful in the world as an idea whose time has come
(Anonymous)
The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
(Helen Rowland)
God saw you getting tired, a cure was not to be,
so he put his arms around you and whispered 'come to me'.
With tearful eyes I watched you and saw you pass away, although I loved you dearly, I couldn't make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, your working hands at rest,
God broke my heart to prove to me he only takes the best.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
(Thomas A. Edison)
Be good and you will be lonesome.
(Mark Twain)
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
(Oscar Wilde)
A special place is reserved for Yogi Berra, for me the uncrowned king of quotes:
It ain't over till it's over.
It's like deja-vu, all over again.
The future ain't what it used to be.
We made too many wrong mistakes.
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
You can observe a lot by just watching.
You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you.
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
It ain't the heat, it's the humility.
It gets late early out there.
It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.
Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.
The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.
I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary.
I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question.
I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
If people don't want to come out to the ball park, nobody's gonna stop 'em.
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.
If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.
Do you mean now? -- When asked for the time.
I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four.
You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left.
90% of the putts that are short don't go in.
I made a wrong mistake.
Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself. -- After being told he looked cool.
Yeah, but we're making great time! -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."
I'd say he's done more than that. -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.
Never answer an anonymous letter.
Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting.
I didn't really say everything I said.
And in a very close second spot must come the legendary Groucho Marx:
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Time wounds all heels.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
